Offering guidance to others seems simple when examining their issues from a distance. Solutions appear clearer, and emotions are not as impactful. However, the narrative shifts when the glass turns into a mirror, reflecting our own struggles. Those words of wisdom, once so easily dispensed, become mired in uncertainty when faced with our own reflection.

Personal problems stir emotions like fear and anxiety, which dissipate when dilemmas are external. “Seeing things from the advisor's perspective is easier because emotions don’t interfere, allowing for more rational and objective decisions,” shares Carmen, a 25-year-old from Madrid, who finds it challenging to apply the advice she gives to herself. Psychologists agree: “Personal involvement intensifies emotions, distorting perspectives. With external issues, emotions are less intense, facilitating more rational decision-making,” explains Sheila Establiet, a psychologist at Reinservida addiction center.

Negative emotions such as fear, distress, or uncertainty emerge when resolving personal problems. “Uncertainty is my biggest obstacle in applying my own advice, especially with the risk of failure,” Carmen admits. Philosophical theories have pondered these thoughts for ages. “Humans inherently protect themselves, creating lives not dictated by genetic inheritance, leading to insecurity. Unlike ants, who know their roles, humans must decide their paths, generating insecurity,” analyzes Joan-Carles Mèlich, philosopher and professor at the Autonomous University of Barcelona.

The potential outcomes of personal actions are overwhelming compared to external ones. The inability to control every consequence causes Carmen significant angst: “It stresses me out when I can't manage situations if they go wrong. When things are beyond my control, it’s frustrating not to improve them,” she shares.

For French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, a key figure in existentialism, humans are free yet condemned to choose. “Once a choice is made, one is fully responsible for it, which creates anxiety,” Mèlich elaborates. Existentialists argue that evading choice equates to “bad faith.” “Responsibility means answering for your choices. In today’s fast-paced world, decisions are fleeting, forcing constant reevaluation,” reasons the philosopher.

Consequences of decisions can be vast. Often, the mind falls into the trap of trying to solve every potential problem. Two psychological factors explain this cycle: “Rumination is obsessing over a problem, and negativity bias focuses only on the bad. Constant rumination digs a mental grave, trapping us in negative thoughts,” defines Establiet. “When assessing others’ lives, we avoid rumination and negativity, approaching problems with positivity. Emotional weight differs if the problem is ours or someone else's,” adds the psychologist.

How can one face these consequences? Some advocate for prudent action, avoiding naive optimism or crippling fear. “Total control is impossible. Life's indisposability means not everything can be decided, like nationality or family. Aristotle’s concept of phronesis suggests prudent individuals achieve a good life,” argues the philosopher. Others act recklessly, known as hubris, which is excess.

Carmen identifies with the prudent group: “I advise carefully, analyzing influences and consequences, preferring foresight over surprises.” Sheila Establiet suggests techniques like listing pros and cons to weigh outcomes, or practicing mindfulness in the morning to reduce anxiety and make better decisions under pressure.

Are we responsible for failed advice? “When advice doesn’t work, I empathize with frustration because I can’t control my situations, let alone others’. I try to find alternative solutions,” Carmen explains. Advice often stems from personal experience, offering reassurance through shared challenges. “Though I base advice on my experiences, each situation is unique. What works for one may not for another. Problems are as diverse as people and circumstances, complicating the application of past solutions,” she adds.

Mèlich distinguishes between setting examples and offering testimony: “Examples are valuable, but beware of those who present themselves as models. Life should be modest, avoiding arrogance. Testimony, however, shares personal journeys, allowing others to find parallels without replicating paths,” he describes.